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August 27, 1999

I envy your smile
You laugh and I cry
The thin line which separates us
Cannot be broken
For I am evil

Why do you continue to ask
When all I can rebuke with is "no"

I fear all
The sky is falling
My conscience failing
My eyes burning

My hatred rises
A shattering pulse fills the air
But I keep ticking on
Like a clock without reason

I have no reason
I'm like the shadow lurking around
On cold winter nights
With no definite form

Form of good is my desire
But what is love when all you do is fear

You fear love
You love fear
and desire
am I dead?

I'm as concrete as a statue;
hit me and I won't fall
hurt me and I'll perish forever

I want to love you
I want you to love me

Who is me?
Who am I?
Seemingly forgetful
Not completely lost
But unattainable

I am a rebel
I rebel in the name of love
Because my sole purpose is to lust for you
You whom I cannot touch
with a single hair from my head

The shackles are broken
I am now free

My death bed awaits me.